Roller Coaster Month of May
what an eventful month indeed, in and out of relationships, arguments, adventures, shopping, praying, sporting, driving. so much has happened and i am begining to wonder is this the end of the line for me.
finally the verdict has been reached and mutually we agreed that we shall part. yes i gave it another go and i tried to release what i call love into the air but i guess nothing was captured. it was said that i didn't release my past. that i have lost my ego and i have lost after winning so many in the past. whatever that was exchanged in the sms's were totally out of my expectations. how could you judge a book by its cover. after knowing someone for barely a month u tend to make your own judgements of what that person is feeling or going through. even friends for 10 years dare didn't judge me the way you did. they didn't come up with a conclusion that you did. how dare you?
i didn't appreciate what you did for me? if i didn't you wouldn't have had the chance to type that sms out. my darling its becuase i appreaciate waht you did for me which was why i gave you so many chances to bridge yourself into my life. is the hints given during the course of our relationship insufficient to send signals that i don't have the feelings that i should be having for you? unlike the ones you had for me? there is so much more to me that u shoudl realise before coming to conclusino that i am not worth loving. that i am only filled with ego? all i want is just someone to respect my decisions and my needs at different times. showering me with presents is never going to get you into my life, i am not your average woman where material things buys my love.
am always egoistic! those who listens to my ramblings knows that about me and only if u listen enough u will know that those are just my words to keep the conversation going. the one thing i can never have patience for is silence, i can't stand silence when there is 2 person in a room or environment, it would mean that there is no click between these 2 souls. i am always telling people about myself and alot of them get's mistaken that i am only interested in myself and i. i can't help it if u don't want to tell me about yourself? am trying to tell stories so we can relate in some ssense! so that we can talk, just casually is that so difficult? i guess i am just not cut out to be anyone's special someone. am such a difficult person to be with. i have 2 high expectations of someone! if its so difficult why do you stil come look for me? patience is alll i have to give and if u take all of it then i guess there is nothing left of me to give. give give give is that all i am born to do? sighs oh wells i think i have stopped giving ever since..
I could build a tower out of steel and stone, but trying to build a bridge to you is something I can't seem to do. If I could turn this dust to gold you'd see it clearly. Trying to love me is trying to learn the art of alchemy. how i can continue loving when i find that all that i loved were all in vain. the more i open up the more i get hurt? is it wise for me to open up again? each time i open up i get scarred? and it stays leaving a mark like those made with a hot metal iron rod. perhaps i was not born to love... i have to see it clearly that the only person i am hurting is myself. i stuff everything down myself not letting anyone it and it gets mistaken that i am still in love with the one before thee but how i can i make you see that the only person hurting is myself. the difficulty is it to tell someone that they aren't the one for me? telling them i have to call it off becuase i don't feel right?
ahh fuck it..
life is meaningless and i dont intend to continue with this topic. its has made me the evil being that i am today infact i am someone with no heart or love whatsoever and not worth loving. so if u dont like the way i work the fuck off..am tired of your complaints that i am not worth your while!
finally the verdict has been reached and mutually we agreed that we shall part. yes i gave it another go and i tried to release what i call love into the air but i guess nothing was captured. it was said that i didn't release my past. that i have lost my ego and i have lost after winning so many in the past. whatever that was exchanged in the sms's were totally out of my expectations. how could you judge a book by its cover. after knowing someone for barely a month u tend to make your own judgements of what that person is feeling or going through. even friends for 10 years dare didn't judge me the way you did. they didn't come up with a conclusion that you did. how dare you?
i didn't appreciate what you did for me? if i didn't you wouldn't have had the chance to type that sms out. my darling its becuase i appreaciate waht you did for me which was why i gave you so many chances to bridge yourself into my life. is the hints given during the course of our relationship insufficient to send signals that i don't have the feelings that i should be having for you? unlike the ones you had for me? there is so much more to me that u shoudl realise before coming to conclusino that i am not worth loving. that i am only filled with ego? all i want is just someone to respect my decisions and my needs at different times. showering me with presents is never going to get you into my life, i am not your average woman where material things buys my love.
am always egoistic! those who listens to my ramblings knows that about me and only if u listen enough u will know that those are just my words to keep the conversation going. the one thing i can never have patience for is silence, i can't stand silence when there is 2 person in a room or environment, it would mean that there is no click between these 2 souls. i am always telling people about myself and alot of them get's mistaken that i am only interested in myself and i. i can't help it if u don't want to tell me about yourself? am trying to tell stories so we can relate in some ssense! so that we can talk, just casually is that so difficult? i guess i am just not cut out to be anyone's special someone. am such a difficult person to be with. i have 2 high expectations of someone! if its so difficult why do you stil come look for me? patience is alll i have to give and if u take all of it then i guess there is nothing left of me to give. give give give is that all i am born to do? sighs oh wells i think i have stopped giving ever since..
I could build a tower out of steel and stone, but trying to build a bridge to you is something I can't seem to do. If I could turn this dust to gold you'd see it clearly. Trying to love me is trying to learn the art of alchemy. how i can continue loving when i find that all that i loved were all in vain. the more i open up the more i get hurt? is it wise for me to open up again? each time i open up i get scarred? and it stays leaving a mark like those made with a hot metal iron rod. perhaps i was not born to love... i have to see it clearly that the only person i am hurting is myself. i stuff everything down myself not letting anyone it and it gets mistaken that i am still in love with the one before thee but how i can i make you see that the only person hurting is myself. the difficulty is it to tell someone that they aren't the one for me? telling them i have to call it off becuase i don't feel right?
ahh fuck it..
life is meaningless and i dont intend to continue with this topic. its has made me the evil being that i am today infact i am someone with no heart or love whatsoever and not worth loving. so if u dont like the way i work the fuck off..am tired of your complaints that i am not worth your while!
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