regret

sighs, 4 pages long was the length of the letter she wrote to me, in hopes that i return back to her.

i bumped into her at the lift yesterday evening as i was returning after a football game @ alternative. she wanted to talk but i couldn't even look at her. all the emails's she sent and all the sms'es which flooded my phone made me regret ever the more that i agreed to try it again with her. she requested that i remove her from my contact list's all over (msn and fridae and my phone even) and that i did ever so willingly but yet now she comes back hoping that i didn't delete her from my life. she had the courage to tell me that she "didn't" delete me from her phone, and that i mean so much to her.

her teling me she hasn't sleep or got well from her flu, fever, cough, sickness and whatever bull crap coz for those who had seen her, she was soo healthy looking. sighs i dont konw what else ot say. obsessive should be the work i should be looking for her. a stalker at large whom i cannot get away from. she drives and she has quite alot of off days to go.. geez don't they have anything else to do. well after knowing her for 1 mth i dont think so. she doesn't have friends and she's so lonely, i have a soft spot her that i know very well. i have a soft spot for everyone and those who knows it abused it to the max. lol yeahs.. am easily pushed around coz i don't know how to say no.. i laugh at myself for being so naive and pushable but is it my fault? not everyone is as lucky as i am at times so i am just sharing the love i have..

wanna hear something funny? for the first 2 weeks i was with her, everywhere i go hear the song "bad day" and it kinda got me thinking if it meant something, well now i know it means alot! she thinks she could buy me with money but for as long as i have lived, u being rich doesn't do anything to me. i just need to make sure that i have the dough to provide for the one i am with, even if it means i have to starve myself to buy you that item that u want. overboard? but its just me, i would go to the ends of the earth for you if i love you but i have my limits too. she pushed it too hard and i just fell off and i dont think i wanna get up again.

my colleague asked me if i wanted to go back coz he's going my way but i said no am going out then he said " you afraid she's waiting for you at home thats why u don't why you don't want go home? " hahaha i can't even go home coz i am afraid? haha i laugh at myself for being so kiddy and scared over such a small matter. always laugh at myself for the loser. it is only in the eyes of the beholder then the truth shall be revealed. am not as strong as i used to be, don't ask me why? i just need someone to hold on too now but i can't find any? maybe what the book said did make sense? we all want someone to hold on too because we want someone to share our space with? becuase we all want someone to be there when the lights go out? so that we don't sleep in that corner of the house where the only sounds that you hear is the sound of your heart beating. it was also written in the book that love is just a make believe feeling coz the person can't fit into the society. ages ago it seemed that studying love was a waste of time according to the people of the church and a few others but today there are thousands of journals and researches about love and how it came about.

the book had alot of researching explantions but i think i skipped almost 40% of the book becuase the other feelings were irrelevent to me in my honest opinion.

sighs its 8.30pm and i am stuck in the office becuase someone took my key and didn't return it to me and with dixie chicks playing baby hold on. somehow or rather i'd live my life in this manner for the next few weeks. not too bad coz next time i'd have my pc @ home with cat then i'd wont be so lonely anymore. hehe.. life's a wonderful place so i'll just have to live along it. smile as said and if anything just say "jialat!!!!" ahahahha

cheers people and good day, good evening and good night. :)