The Day You Went Away
its my first time feeling such an emotion flood. my girlfriend of close to six months took the afternoon bus heading back to KL. when she left i didn't feel such emotion until when I came home, i opened the door and the room greets me with nothing but quietness (if there is such a word in the dictionary). what has happened to me? have I lost all my senses? what happen to the strong Jody that once never knew what was loss and what was pain and misery? what am i feeling? the last i checked this was called love. the love for a person that know's no boundaries. the feeling that makes u warm inside out even if the temperature is below icy cold. words cannot express how I feel, well perhaps it can. Love songs, ballads and poems and perhaps hundreds of other written sentences, I think I can safely say that these are the words that can describe the emotions and feelings I have and I am feeling inside at this very moment. Then again I feel this each and every moment that I think of her. Every breath of her fills me up inside. The touch of her hand on my lips, my hair, my eyes, my skin sends the tingle of an ice cold drop of water down my back, fills my eyes with warm tears. those are not tears of sorrow but those are tears of love, tears of joy, tears of finally feeling the emotions that I have hidden for far to long. i left those feelings hidden in me, not wanting to show them for fear it might be used as a weapon against me.
here i am sitting here quietly logging down everything that i am feeling inside. knowing that in any moment that my love will call to wish me good night. i was about to close my eyes for the day but the phone echo'ed through the walls allowing me to only answer it for it was the voice of the one who stole my heart away, the one who melt each and every ice block that protects myself from the outside world, the one who has proven me that love does exist and it still does in all shapes and sizes. the sound of her voice brings out my inner peace, calms me down, makes my legs weak. i am unable to move until i know she is moving with me. when she called she has only arrived home. mentioned that i would want her to settle down before she talks me to sleep. how long i have waited to have someone next to me, but i think this is the way the destiny has wanted to us to go through, my love isn't next to me physically but she is always next to me in my heart, though at times i would need her physical touch to move me but this is our test of patience and purity.
we spoke about weekend / weekday lovers but nothing is confirmed. would we need such people in our lives? aren't we sufficient by ourselves? at times I am just at a loss, I don't know what to feel to think or do, I just act on my feelings but I know that I am no longer available for other hands to touch my body. I am going to try as hard as i can to move on and wait for the very day that I will be back in the arms of my loved one. speechless, wordless, that is what I am feeling now at this very moment. I just got off the phone with baby and she is going to sleep. I wonder is she really sleeping or is she tossing and turning on bed? Is she wondering what am i doing as i am pondering as to waht is she doing. what will she think when she reads this blog tomorrow? i don't really know. I think I am going to move my blogs again. I want to make my blog personal. I have another blog you might wonder which is just for the both of us but i figured i would prefer to have just 1 blog becuase most of the time i am at lost as to which blog should be blogging in. for example, this current piece i am working on is about my life, my feelings and my ponderings so why should i post it on "our" blog? shouldn't it be in "my" blog? in addition to the fact i like to have things in my blog but its only for me and myself and i to view/read it. oh well, mind is made up, i shall move my blog. where? whats the new address? will it be colors again? think... i am always a sucker for nicks/titles. magicstar, magical moments, magicstar starlight, magical startdust, magically mine, so many to choose from. magicallymine.blogspot.com now that would be a good one. easy to remember.
i beginning to wonder if i would ever say in fridae for long. as much as i love the company, i love my wife. she is right, i deserve something better for myself. i deserve to be treated better since I am the designer, constructor and maintainance development team for fridae.com v5. if my salary goes up chances of me staying might be better. my goal? earn enough money to support myself financially back in KL. so that my baby can live without worrying about paying rent. well she can pay me. :P i am going to get myself a house, start a financial fund so that I am live off my own money and earn money by itself. in 3 years the car would be all paid for and i would start saving and i want to be financially sound by the age of 35. 10 years should be enough and then i will have to seek advice. as soon as i can get my act together. definately no stock playing well unless the broker is wei ling. lol. travel can wait, i am only 25 going on 26, and baby is only 23 so young so gullible, so vulnerable so lovable so hugable so teasable so wanting so needing so open i could go on and not stop, all in all she's my wife and no one is going to take her away from me. not now not ever.
anniversary is a couple of days. 6mths. time flies when your not watching doesn't it? soon it will be 1 year and then 2 and then 5, by grace i would be 30. i wonder where will i be? where will we be? singapore? PR? australia? KL? most probably KL. i hope there wouldn't be anymore changes in my life. its my 5th month in Fridae now. december 2005 coming up soon. Nation 05 was just over a week ago. my baby was here just a 8 hours ago. gosh, time is catching up on me. i am still a programmer, what to do i love it! i love logical thinking, i love it when people ask me questions and i have to come with a plan to create a program to suit their needs. i love the challenge. i can go far but i don't want too i like this lifestyle. i can't believe I am so "cin cai". haha. so what to get for my baby for our 1/2 year anniversary? i really bad at presents? well not exactly coz the presents that i want to get are really extravagant. platinum ring engraved with our names but just can't afford it yet. so that will have to wait yes baby? don't u go off purchasing them on your own... i wanna choose myself. :P i love you so much baby, you know that. as your reading this blog as i am saying it again and again and feeling it again and again in my heart the warm feeling u flood me with each time i am in your arms. each time you hold on close, each time you hold my hand so tight you watching me looking at me, hugging me, protecting me. i can feel your love glowing each time i kiss your cheeks softly. i can feel your protectiveness each time u put your arms me in the bus. baby I am your wife and I will always be..
here i am sitting here quietly logging down everything that i am feeling inside. knowing that in any moment that my love will call to wish me good night. i was about to close my eyes for the day but the phone echo'ed through the walls allowing me to only answer it for it was the voice of the one who stole my heart away, the one who melt each and every ice block that protects myself from the outside world, the one who has proven me that love does exist and it still does in all shapes and sizes. the sound of her voice brings out my inner peace, calms me down, makes my legs weak. i am unable to move until i know she is moving with me. when she called she has only arrived home. mentioned that i would want her to settle down before she talks me to sleep. how long i have waited to have someone next to me, but i think this is the way the destiny has wanted to us to go through, my love isn't next to me physically but she is always next to me in my heart, though at times i would need her physical touch to move me but this is our test of patience and purity.
we spoke about weekend / weekday lovers but nothing is confirmed. would we need such people in our lives? aren't we sufficient by ourselves? at times I am just at a loss, I don't know what to feel to think or do, I just act on my feelings but I know that I am no longer available for other hands to touch my body. I am going to try as hard as i can to move on and wait for the very day that I will be back in the arms of my loved one. speechless, wordless, that is what I am feeling now at this very moment. I just got off the phone with baby and she is going to sleep. I wonder is she really sleeping or is she tossing and turning on bed? Is she wondering what am i doing as i am pondering as to waht is she doing. what will she think when she reads this blog tomorrow? i don't really know. I think I am going to move my blogs again. I want to make my blog personal. I have another blog you might wonder which is just for the both of us but i figured i would prefer to have just 1 blog becuase most of the time i am at lost as to which blog should be blogging in. for example, this current piece i am working on is about my life, my feelings and my ponderings so why should i post it on "our" blog? shouldn't it be in "my" blog? in addition to the fact i like to have things in my blog but its only for me and myself and i to view/read it. oh well, mind is made up, i shall move my blog. where? whats the new address? will it be colors again? think... i am always a sucker for nicks/titles. magicstar, magical moments, magicstar starlight, magical startdust, magically mine, so many to choose from. magicallymine.blogspot.com now that would be a good one. easy to remember.
i beginning to wonder if i would ever say in fridae for long. as much as i love the company, i love my wife. she is right, i deserve something better for myself. i deserve to be treated better since I am the designer, constructor and maintainance development team for fridae.com v5. if my salary goes up chances of me staying might be better. my goal? earn enough money to support myself financially back in KL. so that my baby can live without worrying about paying rent. well she can pay me. :P i am going to get myself a house, start a financial fund so that I am live off my own money and earn money by itself. in 3 years the car would be all paid for and i would start saving and i want to be financially sound by the age of 35. 10 years should be enough and then i will have to seek advice. as soon as i can get my act together. definately no stock playing well unless the broker is wei ling. lol. travel can wait, i am only 25 going on 26, and baby is only 23 so young so gullible, so vulnerable so lovable so hugable so teasable so wanting so needing so open i could go on and not stop, all in all she's my wife and no one is going to take her away from me. not now not ever.
anniversary is a couple of days. 6mths. time flies when your not watching doesn't it? soon it will be 1 year and then 2 and then 5, by grace i would be 30. i wonder where will i be? where will we be? singapore? PR? australia? KL? most probably KL. i hope there wouldn't be anymore changes in my life. its my 5th month in Fridae now. december 2005 coming up soon. Nation 05 was just over a week ago. my baby was here just a 8 hours ago. gosh, time is catching up on me. i am still a programmer, what to do i love it! i love logical thinking, i love it when people ask me questions and i have to come with a plan to create a program to suit their needs. i love the challenge. i can go far but i don't want too i like this lifestyle. i can't believe I am so "cin cai". haha. so what to get for my baby for our 1/2 year anniversary? i really bad at presents? well not exactly coz the presents that i want to get are really extravagant. platinum ring engraved with our names but just can't afford it yet. so that will have to wait yes baby? don't u go off purchasing them on your own... i wanna choose myself. :P i love you so much baby, you know that. as your reading this blog as i am saying it again and again and feeling it again and again in my heart the warm feeling u flood me with each time i am in your arms. each time you hold on close, each time you hold my hand so tight you watching me looking at me, hugging me, protecting me. i can feel your love glowing each time i kiss your cheeks softly. i can feel your protectiveness each time u put your arms me in the bus. baby I am your wife and I will always be..
love u baby
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