The little ol me

If you wanna party all night don't forget the promises that you have made and the responsibilities you have undertaken.

Feels like a movie sometimes. I wonder if I could fast forward two years from now to see what have I become.

Given her a choice.. Willing to release her from all dog responsiblity. She wants to think about it? So its true. Lol. What a fool I am for being so naive. Why didn't I see this before? have I lost my touch?

Reminder to one self, after breaking up with someone, you have to be mindful with what you say or words or comments can be interpreted differently.

How is it possible for her to be sick after she returns when she was absolutely healthy before she went ... It doesn't add up.

There are things that I need to tell you and have been thinking it through very much. Have been having all of these thoughts for some time but didn’t know how to exactly say it to you. Hasn’t been easy as I truly feel that there is a barrier that makes it extremely awkward to vocalize my thoughts let alone have a casual conversation. By writing here for you to read, you have a choice on what you would like to do; to go on reading or alternatively just not read further or even delete this. It is basically your choice as in many other things. You said that so many people have been inconsiderate or unappreciative of the things you have done for them. At the same time, I personally feel that that’s how it’s been for me It pisses me off so bad that you just decided that we are to stay as friends.... It sucks when it feels like being placed in a suspense account to be written off like a bad debt. I aint saying that changes don’t happen but being kept in the dark really doesn’t help. Maybe in

The rallies were short initially, almost always hitting the net. Spend most of the time picking up the balls. Spend even more time walking outside the court to pick up more balls. Surprisingly we came back with a couple of new ones. Perhaps this time around in my relationship I haven't been picking up the right vibes off her. Not giving her a chance to tell me whats wrong. Did I not provide not enough windows of opportunity? Late night chats didn't help? She said I slept too soon. Maybe I wasn't sensitive enough? Maybe I wasn't susceptible to changes without consultations? I didn't like to be put in a corner. I am easily swayed in decisions but only with the right nudge. To many factors and thoughts. Its putting a lot of unnecessary weight on my shoulders. Its over mutually but yet I am still giving it so much thought. If only I could rewind history and take back the words that started it all but that would mean today wouldn't come and I wouldn't have en

Finally the cleaners arrived. Missy had a grooming and she came fluffy and sweet smelling. Reminds me of history when we first had cleaners, it was this Chinese old and young lady. Initially they were good but then I think they just didn't understand what I meant by scrubbing. We fired them and hired Terry from House Prouds. It was a good move. Though we initially wanted to clean the house ourselves but we it took up too much time. Perhaps I used too much "we" here. In the eyes of the other, it was you who wanted the cleaners, it was you who wanted this and that and everything else. To her whatever she does is wrong. I am dominant by nature and it takes a lot of gap filling to really release the possibility of not being so domineering. Maybe the message didn't go across.

Badminton in SOP. How should I approach the bench. What should I say? Should I even say anything? I'll just play badminton I suppose. I moved across to the A courts and didn't say a word. How could I, I was still in shock! Still trying to get it to sink into my head that I no longer need to argue over things like who should brush Missy's teeth, who should cook or shouldn't cook. No longer need to come and worry about whats for dinner. Don't need to think for three now just for two. No need to worry about the next step in the relationship and what to do keep it alive and pumping with love. How to change myself to reduce the horrendous words flying across the room. Much has change in me (hopefully for the better). I still have temper flares but rarely or at least I try to control it. How successful it is I am unable to tell cause no one tells me. The break sort of like snapped me out of my illusion that commitment ceremonies do make a difference in the outcome of th

She'll fly to Melbourne this evening with the other person. To see the dead king tut. It's one of the exhibitions that Melbourne was proud off. I can understand why, the reviews were just outstanding so I read. Gave me some time to think as to how I was going to approach this delicate matter. So delicate that if push with a pinkie on one side it might fold and turn into a monster that will bite my ass. Was asked for dinner by three different persons in a spat of just 3 hours, suffice to say the word was out. Technology has got the better of me. I wanted to run amok but I held back knowing that with all the floodgates of hatred and disappointment in me the outcome won't be pretty. So I sent a couple of text messages to clarify matters. Enough said when the last couple came through, it was as I have expected but I can only reply "Ok", nothing else was coming out of me. I could only bite my tougue. And so the weekend begins, I had plans but I can only execute par

Its guaranteed that it is going to be awkward. I'd have to see her and maybe play with her, a tough choice to make. I tried to change my feelings but its ridiculous and near impossible to do that in 1 day. Daymn it! Why must she do this to me?

What's over? Our relationship. Our marriage. Our commitment.. The reason behind it was "I don't love you anymore". Feels like you got slapped in your face and your wondering who slapped you.

Think it's waking early morning this week