life that passed by me .. and still passing
much has passed since i was last writing how i feel on this blog ..
brexit, my parents, my relationship, my friendships, people who have come and gone in my life, my past, my future, my dog, my experiences, marina's columns which i've starting reading on, listening to death song over and over again.
working late and getting in late in the morning makes it feel like the day ends rather quicker, have told myself to wake up earlier but it just never happens. will i regret it in time to come? having worked myself so hard has helped me to get where i am today and i am not for one to ever regret what i've done. there is always tomorrow until you stop breathing.
my father speaks of himself not living past 70 sort of triggered something in me which leads to me to believe if i am ready to die? i had a quick shock in the last month with my months long swollen lymph node which required a ultrasound which followed by a CT scan as they couldn't ascertain what it was. on the day i had the 2nd scan i thought to myself what would be scarier? dying or the days leading up to the death? i've seen how my grandma suffered and i was sure i didn't wanna go down that path. people talk of death and being afraid of it but i embrace it for without death there would be no life? i think i read that somewhere. its a life cycle for some religion i believe.
my parents have started travelling much, as we speak they are in arizona exploring the grand canyons, the sets for many great movies and mom's just constantly sending us photos of the places she's visiting. she tells us she's afraid to eat too much for fear of getting sick etc..
which brings about the thoughts of different types of food allergies that people have and because i am fortunate enough to never have one of these issues i am unable to comprehend or understand how its applicable and why some people can just not eat food that they have been eating for yonks, or how they can just suddenly be allergic to something they have been brought up eating? everyone is into supplements and i believe some do make a difference like how the viroguard that i take has miraculously cured the wart on my fingers which i have had for gawd knows how long .. suffice to say people only act upon experience either of themselves or of others.
reading about brexit and marina mahathir's article about insularities and xenophobia amongst the people of the world affected to me to an extent that i think it all starts from the home .. it only takes 1 rotten apple to affect all the rest in the basket, but what made that apple rotten? a bad thought? a bad experience? i'm curious why? what makes you hate another race so much? what have they done to you or to a loved one? if a person did it it doesn't mean everyone in that race did it? its bad to generalise a race just because 1 out of millions made a bad decision which could be a domino effect of something that happened to him/her by someone else, they are just reacting to it but it might not be a pretty reaction but sometimes one just needs to turn a blind eye? forgive and forget and move on but i guess its hard to act upon what you preach but hey shit happens?
i have thought about the after life and what it could be like many times, till today am curious as to why i am standing where i am standing now? who made us? why? whats larger than life out there? its a cycle like everything else but we thrive and prosper but will there be a day it will end? like the dinosaurs or life before the dinosaurs? there will never be an answer but again i'm just curious? curiosity kills the cat? am willing to end life to see thats on the other side but should i want to return and regret hhmmm maybe not..
its quite a lot to take in and to think about...
brexit, my parents, my relationship, my friendships, people who have come and gone in my life, my past, my future, my dog, my experiences, marina's columns which i've starting reading on, listening to death song over and over again.
working late and getting in late in the morning makes it feel like the day ends rather quicker, have told myself to wake up earlier but it just never happens. will i regret it in time to come? having worked myself so hard has helped me to get where i am today and i am not for one to ever regret what i've done. there is always tomorrow until you stop breathing.
my father speaks of himself not living past 70 sort of triggered something in me which leads to me to believe if i am ready to die? i had a quick shock in the last month with my months long swollen lymph node which required a ultrasound which followed by a CT scan as they couldn't ascertain what it was. on the day i had the 2nd scan i thought to myself what would be scarier? dying or the days leading up to the death? i've seen how my grandma suffered and i was sure i didn't wanna go down that path. people talk of death and being afraid of it but i embrace it for without death there would be no life? i think i read that somewhere. its a life cycle for some religion i believe.
my parents have started travelling much, as we speak they are in arizona exploring the grand canyons, the sets for many great movies and mom's just constantly sending us photos of the places she's visiting. she tells us she's afraid to eat too much for fear of getting sick etc..
which brings about the thoughts of different types of food allergies that people have and because i am fortunate enough to never have one of these issues i am unable to comprehend or understand how its applicable and why some people can just not eat food that they have been eating for yonks, or how they can just suddenly be allergic to something they have been brought up eating? everyone is into supplements and i believe some do make a difference like how the viroguard that i take has miraculously cured the wart on my fingers which i have had for gawd knows how long .. suffice to say people only act upon experience either of themselves or of others.
reading about brexit and marina mahathir's article about insularities and xenophobia amongst the people of the world affected to me to an extent that i think it all starts from the home .. it only takes 1 rotten apple to affect all the rest in the basket, but what made that apple rotten? a bad thought? a bad experience? i'm curious why? what makes you hate another race so much? what have they done to you or to a loved one? if a person did it it doesn't mean everyone in that race did it? its bad to generalise a race just because 1 out of millions made a bad decision which could be a domino effect of something that happened to him/her by someone else, they are just reacting to it but it might not be a pretty reaction but sometimes one just needs to turn a blind eye? forgive and forget and move on but i guess its hard to act upon what you preach but hey shit happens?
i have thought about the after life and what it could be like many times, till today am curious as to why i am standing where i am standing now? who made us? why? whats larger than life out there? its a cycle like everything else but we thrive and prosper but will there be a day it will end? like the dinosaurs or life before the dinosaurs? there will never be an answer but again i'm just curious? curiosity kills the cat? am willing to end life to see thats on the other side but should i want to return and regret hhmmm maybe not..
its quite a lot to take in and to think about...
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